These two cans may look like ordinary cans of tomatoes. And in a manner of speaking they are. But in addition to being a source of antioxidants and countless other nutritional benefits, they were the source of both a conflict and, more importantly, an idea.What was the problem? Well, I had been sent on a special shopping mission by my wife. We had just upgraded her phone to a smart phone, and I had shown her how to write a list on OneNote which she could then share with me. So she wrote out a shopping list for Aldi which included both diced tomatoes and crushed tomatoes. I downloaded it onto my smart phone and off I went, secure in the knowledge that with no old fashion paper shopping list to lose, I could be the man on the spot for her.
I went through the store ticking off all those thing that I had to buy. Eggs, checked. Baked Beans, Check. Traditional spaghetti sauce, Check, and so on and so on. I even got both types of tomatoes (or so I thought). But the observant among you will notice the exact same thing that my wife noticed when I got home. Diced tomatoes with Basil, Garlic and Oregano are not the same as crushed tomatoes. Even if they were sitting right beside them on the shelf.
My fellow brothers of marriage-hood, I am sure you will know what I mean when I say "I heard about it" when I got home. I didn't know quite how cruel and heartless I had been until I got home and Rachel noticed those two cans. I didn't quite know how much of a failure I was, or how much disappointment I had caused, until I got home. I hadn't understood how the years of frustration concerning my attention to shopping lists had built up, to be released by those two cans of diced tomatoes, until I got home. But 5 minutes into my sweet wife's explanation of the difference between Diced Tomatoes with Basil, Garlic and Oregano and Crushed tomatoes, I had realised. Oh yes. I had definitely realised.I begged for forgiveness, on my knees, much to the amusement of the kids.
So much for the conflict. But what was your idea, I hear you cry? Or rather, I hope you cry, cause I don't know if anyone pays much attention to this blog anyhow. (If you like it you could always click on the follow button, or leaving a comment wouldn't hurt either) Anyhow, in answer to my imagination of your pleas for my idea, here it is. I think we should set up a shopping service for husbands.
We could call it "the lazy shopper" or "save your marriage shopping" or something similar. I am open to suggestions. The premise is very simple. When a married man gets a shopping list from his wife, he would upload the list to the service, where a designated shopper would take that list to Aldi, or Target or Tescos, and shop in his usual manner. By the way, this would be a male only service. You'll see why in a few moments.
The male shopper would go through the list with the same care and attention to detail he would give to his own wife's shopping list. I am estimating, on average, that 85 to 95% of the items will be correct, with a 5 to 15% margin of error. The shopping service would then drop the bags of groceries off at the doorstep of the household involved, where the wife would unpack it. And when the wrong can of tomatoes comes out of the bag, the man of the house has someone else to blame!
Can you not see the wonderful simplicity of this idea? Instead of staring for hours on end at the unending variety of rolls of kitchen towels, knowing that whatever you choose will be wrong because the producer just redesigned their packaging, you can have someone else just throw something in the cart for you and you don't have to take the endless blame for getting MacVitties Full and Fluffy Super Absorbent Kitchen Wonder-Mops (TM) instead of MacVitties Full and Extra Fluffy Super Absorbent Kitchen Wonder-Mops (TM)! How could you know that they were the ones with the Mauve accents around the top of the box instead of the purple accents? You didn't choose it - It was the guy from the shopping service!
I anticipate that once this shopping service is set up, men everywhere will not longer fear the sight of a shopping list, be in on paper or on OneNote. Hours of shopping time for the wife will be compacted into one quick phone call, and more time will be wasted on video games or cleaning the garage.
Let me know what you think!
